So I have known some super feminist in my time. No offense ladies, but it is kind of annoying. I feel perfectly okay with saying that cause I am also annoyed with super Black Rights Activists. Yeah there is still prejudice in this world and country. Against both Black People and Women. But get off your high horse for one second and shut up. You extremist are basically Natzi's with an agenda that people are okay with. At least enough to put up with you.
But that is not the point of this blog. This is a rant about a minor amusement. The point that seems to set even the most super natzi feminist back to the late 40s. The driving question behind this point is, why is it always the guys responsibility to put themselves on the line in the initial ask out. Why is this something that most girls refuse to do.
Now dont give me some bull excuse about not wanting to hurt a man's pride. Thats a completely load and we all know it. Here is my thoughts on it. It's all about not wanting to get your feelings hurt. If you dont do the asking, getting a no is not an option.
No is one of the most powerful words in any language. It has the power to cut deep and hurt like no other word. It has the power to completely shatter someones confidence. The power to ruin a marriage. The power to ruin a life. And on the opposite side, it has the power to save and grow all of those things.
But the word no is the brunt of our topic today. By never being the one to ask, ladies, you save yourself from having to hear that word. You put yourself in a position of only getting to dish it out. thereby saving yourself the embarrassment and shame that we guys get to deal with on a regular basis. You save yourself that hurt under the guise of "It's the man's responsibility" and " I dont want to hurt his manly pride". Both ridiculous notions.
Christian women, you may be the worst on this point. The man as the spiritual leader of the home, takes on a stigma that needs to be reassessed. It is somehow coupled together that if a man doesn't ask he is weak and not a good leader. And on the other hand, supposedly the only type of women who will do the asking are power hungry man killers who will rule with an iron whip.
Why do either of these things have to be the case. Yes maybe the man is being a giant wuss and pansying out. Or maybe it is not a thought that had fully entered his mind and you making the ask has the potential to spark something that may never have happened otherwise. Let's face facts here people. For the most part, good guys are oblivious. The ones who are generally worth the effort and aren't going to treat you like crap, unfortunately, are the ones who will not pick up on "signals".
SIGNALS DON'T WORK!!!! NEVER HAVE!!!
Guys pick up on signals when it is about someone else. We can notice if a girl is hitting on our boy. When it comes to ourselves, they fly right over our head. And even when your boy tells you that that chick was diggin on ya, the next words out of our mouths will generally be, "Whatever dude. That so didn't happen." Its just the facts people.
Now jerks will not even bother with signals. Ladies you know this as well. Cause a lot of times you may be intentionally sending the signal "EEWWW you are scuzzy and should stay away from me." and yet still you have this bag rolling up on you like he's got your number already in his little black book. You then find yourself needing to be saved by your girlfriend, or even the good guy friend who you adore but he has no clue and to him the only signals he has seen is that you all are just friends.
And the mankillers. I know you all exist. And you scare me. Yes you will chew and spit out the good guy. You roll right over him on your way to the top, whatever that might be. But just because you ask a guy out does not put you in that category. But it does show a confidence that a lot of guys (good ones anyway) like. We want someone who understands who they are and that is comfortable with themselves. Is confident in themselves.
I more so than a lot of people have realized this point as of late. Both guys and girls, this is important. You cant be a fixer. If you go into a relationship looking to fix the person you are with, than you are cruising for a lot of hurt. And it is not like that is the only draw or even something that is a conscious thing. But any fixing needs to be done by the person and God. It just isnt something we should or can put on ourselves.
That being said, 2 confident people in a relationship will have a lot more staying power. Not confidence that seeks to overshadow your partner. But knowing what you want in life and both partners seeking to find those things together. Confidence that says you would go to the ends of the earth with each other and know that the other person feels the same way.
Now I know that you asking does not necessarily speak those words. Sometimes you are just crazy and have no relational awareness. Sometimes you are just tired of being confused and need to know.
But the point is, that sometimes it can be a good thing to put yourself on the line. And being a guy here, it is really freaking taxing to always be the one on the line. That possible "no" holds us back a lot too. It's not an easy thing to overcome. But while yes may not always be the direct response, sometimes it isnt always no either. Sometimes you get to enter into a friendship that is completely open and has even more potential to flourish into what you are hoping for. And sometimes that friendship will be where it ends, but thats okay too.
Do I think there is some girl out there that has a thing for me and just wont tell me. No. That is by no means why this was written. Actually that is one of the farthest things from my mind. My self esteem likes to tell me that that is definitely not the case and I am doomed to fall into friendzone for eternity. And dont everyone go and just start blurting everything out to this long time crush you have had. Have some sense people. Relational intelligence still has a place. I'm just saying sometimes its okay.
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