The Husband's/Wive's Bill of Rights

So today I just read this article on msn.com. It is split into 2 parts. The Husband's Bill of Rights and The Wive's Bill of Rights. Basically it is a list of things that each partner is allowed to hold sacred in a marriage. No matter how stupid or irrational. It was quite interesting to read. And frankly, the Husband's part sounds like something I would have wrote. So I decided to write something about it. There are a few things in each that I fully agree with and a few in each that I am opposed to. If you want to read the full article you can head over to http://men.msn.com/article.aspx?cp-documentid=6742052&GT1=32001 for the men's part and http://men.msn.com/article.aspx?cp-documentid=6750191&GT1=32001 for the women's part.

Let me start on the women's page. There are 2 that struck me as particularly insightful. Amendment I - We Have the Right to Dislike Your Buddies. And Ammendment IV - We Have the Right to an Honest Answer to "What's Wrong".

Dude's, we dont always choose the best people to hang out with. Sometimes our old friends are seriously complete idiots and we know it. Yeah they are people we grew up with or spent a lot of time with, but generally we know that they really aren't the type that are women are going to dig as people. And truth be told, a lot of time we dont really like spending a lot of time with them either.

So what am I getting at with this one? No I am not saying you ditch your friends for the sake of a women. But remember that you chose your wife. Be considerate. If you dont like spending a lot of time with them, it is very likely your wife or girlfriend doesnt want to spend any. Sometimes there is no getting around it, but men be smart. It will save you a lot of heartache.

As for Amendment IV, this one couldnt be more right I dont think. This coming from someone who was closed off to everyone. And closed off to his wife in a lot of ways. Answer the question guys. If you cant be honest with the woman you have chosen to spend your life with, who are you ever going to be able to be honest with. You have become one with this person and in that you should hide nothing. Even if it is a frustration with her, at least you all can talk it out and not let stuff fester until you are pissed. You'll save yourself a lot of sleepless nights this way. Believe me.

Now Amendment IX - We Have the Right to Flirt was bothersome to me. Bad choice of words I think. The explanation of this one isnt nearly as blunt as the title. The title is very very very offputting. Especially coming from the background that I now have. No there should not be a right to flirt. For several reasons.

a. You would kick our asses if you caught us flirting with another woman. What's with the double standard here. It is not cool. If you dont want us doing it, then you shouldn't have the right to it either.

b. If you need to flirt with someone to get a boost of self esteem, than you are probably needing to look at a deeper issue. What that issue is is up to you to find out. But I can tell you from my most recent experience, your self assurance is in completely the wrong place.

c. Sorry ladies, men are irrationally jealous creatures. Now we know when you are just talking to someone. When you are just being nice. When you are creating small talk at a party or meeting someone and learning a little about them. We aren't idiots. But we know exactly what flirting looks like. Obviously you did it with us. Its not cool. Even tiny insignificant flirting will set us off. You are cruising to leave the party with a pissed off husband or boyfriend with every "shouldertouchgiggleflipmyhairback" that you send the way of another guy. Is it really worth the trouble. Like I said, it could be completely innocent and we are irrational. And tell the truth, you are irrational too on this point and many others. So dont get upset with us for this one.

Now like I said we know the difference between things. A hug with a good friend or whatever is nothing. I being a hugger by nature, can understand that. I am even completely okay with whoever I am with next, having a male friend who she goes and hangs out with, even if I am not around. (Just stay honest with me and we're straight.) But so called innocent flirting, is never as innocent as you want to believe it is.

Okay the men's list was pretty interesting too. Being a guy, I dont know that there was one I disagreed with on the list. And also, a lot of the ones on the guys list were pretty playful stereotypical things, like Amendment IX - We Have the Right to the Remote When We are on the Couch. That one is just funny.

But there is one I want to point out here. Amendment X - We Have the Right to Still Use Chivalry. This one is a huge one for me. I know way too many girls who think they are so whatever that when a guy is genuinely chivalrous, it is stupid or he is looking down on her or that he is showing dominance over her. How the hell does me holding the door open for you tell you that I am showing dominance over you.

Any guy worth their salt is going to be a gentleman. My mom used to pop me in the arm if I went in the door before her. Men we for the most part should have been taught to be a gentleman by our fathers and our mothers. If you are anywhere from like 16 and up, your parents still come from an age when that was proper manners and if they had good sense, they instilled that into you. But somewhere a long the way it has become screwed up. Pulling out the chair for your date isnt allowed anymore. Or holding the door open when walking into a building. Or opening the car door for them to get in and then you get in. And then when you reach the destination, walking around and opening the door for them and offering them a hand out of the car.

Men those are things you should be doing. You are a gentleman. You are upstanding. Doing these things should show the woman you are with, that you care enough about them to do even these little things. And you arent doing them to score brownie points. You are doing them completely out of caring and because you were raised right. So women, put down your feminist pride for one second and see such acts for what they are. A caring gesture to someone we hold dear. A nice act because your man was raised properly to respect you. It is not a sign of disrespect or your weakness or his dominance when he holds the door open for you or takes your coat. Its the sign of total respect for you and care for you. Own it. In fact, if your man does not treat you this way, demand it. Or tell me and I will pop him upside his head and get him on the ball.

That is all for this one. Go read the entire article. It was interesting.