So this year's holiday season is shaping up to be very different than most of mine have been in my life. Most have been bad. Laden with bad news and broken hearts and just all around not great things.
Thus far, Jesus has seen it fit to bless me and my family a lot already. I don't know what it is. He just has really been showing me a lot of favor recently and things that I refuse to just pass off as coincidence or a good year. He really is blessing my family in some areas that have long been unsteady.
I don't want to go into detail on here. Some of you know all the stuff that has been going on. Some of you know a few of the things that have been going on. Some of you know nothing. You can ask me in person if you are so inclined to do so. Or shoot me a message on facebook or email or something if you are at a long distance and you want to know. But in the greater internet land area, I am keeping it close to the chest. Let His work really go to the deep places in me. I just really needed to write something.
And for the first time in a long time, I don't think I am jinxing myself by verbalizing that good things are happening. I'm not waiting for the hammer to fall. I'm just soaking this stuff in. Yeah there are a few more circumstantial pieces that need attention. But I am not about to complain or be greedy. His grace and goodness and timing are quite sufficient for me. He will deal with the other things in His own time if he so chooses to bless me those ways.
Me not locking down during Christmas. That could be a novel concept.
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Monday, November 16, 2009
What In The World
This has been a ridiculous couple weeks. I am in awe of Jesus for what He can do in a stubborn jackass such as myself. I'm gettting to believe Him in really new ways over the last few weeks. I'm getting to lay myself down and in turn believe the real things about myself. Agreeing with the surgery He has been doing in a new way has changed me a lot. I am hearing differently. I am responding differently. I'm asking differently. I'm leading differently. I'm wanting differently. It makes little sense to me, cause it isnt about me. I take no credit for "being a better person". He is making me into the real man of God that I am intended to be and I am so freaking grateful right now.
Over the last couple weeks I have watched Him do some crazy things. Things that are circumstantial in my life but He is so much telling me He has even the menial circumstances in my life under control. He has gifts just waiting for me. All it took was my agreement. He has great things for my hurting family. Ways that He wants to undeservedly lavish my brothers and parents with love. Who knows what He wants to do. And I love that I get to respond this way. To things that arent even finished but are still just in process and I love getting to respond with gratitude before anything is even done. I don't even know how things will play out and I am still so grateful. I'm still in awe. I'm in awe of the change in my heart.
I'm not gonna go into details. But man there is a lot of possibility on my plate that I am really excited about. Lots of different types of questions I get to ask. Lots of accountability I get to lean into. Lots of serving that I get to own in new ways. Exciting stuff.
Over the last couple weeks I have watched Him do some crazy things. Things that are circumstantial in my life but He is so much telling me He has even the menial circumstances in my life under control. He has gifts just waiting for me. All it took was my agreement. He has great things for my hurting family. Ways that He wants to undeservedly lavish my brothers and parents with love. Who knows what He wants to do. And I love that I get to respond this way. To things that arent even finished but are still just in process and I love getting to respond with gratitude before anything is even done. I don't even know how things will play out and I am still so grateful. I'm still in awe. I'm in awe of the change in my heart.
I'm not gonna go into details. But man there is a lot of possibility on my plate that I am really excited about. Lots of different types of questions I get to ask. Lots of accountability I get to lean into. Lots of serving that I get to own in new ways. Exciting stuff.
Monday, November 9, 2009
Is It Time?
Something about this week has a different air around it. Like something is about to explode. All this anticipation that has kept me up at night for the last 6 months feels about ready to hit the fan. In a good way. Like something is about to happen.
I have been in this holding pattern for months now. Waiting. Wanting. Not knowing what was about to happen and wanting it to happen and come quickly and it just wasn't. Over the last several weeks I think I had settled into it. Like it was the new operating system. This week just changed something for some reason. Today, apart from being ridiculously sleepy, I am amped about something. Like this is gonna be a different month, a different season.
Jesus, am I finally asking the right questions? Or did I finally ask them in the right way? It feels like you want to answer some this week. Maybe lots.
I will be brief with my look back on this week.
So I emailed Justin asking him for his help and prayer in figuring out some things and moving forward on some stuff. Within 3 days the following has happened and Justin and I haven't even been able to talk yet.
1. I get a call for a job interview at LCA and had it this morning. Not sure if I will get a call back or get offered the job but it was definitely a wake up call from Jesus to an end of Him telling me He has me. Like I can really trust Him to provide the right job.
2. I have lunch with my Dad and we somehow get into talking about callings. I get to have one of the best conversations I have ever had with Him. He may not have said it distinctly but I think my Dad is actually really proud of me. And maybe even supportive of me starting a music based business like I have in the works. That's nuts.
3. Pete delivers this radically great talk about The Church and The Uprising. Not only did it set something different in my heart that led to a good interview this morning in weird ways, but I think I get to ask big for The Uprising conference. I don't know what that means quite yet. But I think Jesus has asked me to ask for as big a roll as the lead team is able to give me and that I get to say yes to whatever that might be and I get to do it well and not be a dual person like I was with my last entrustment. I get to run this one right from the start whatever it is.
4. I get to have a small but meaningful Matthew 18 with a good friend. I got to apologize even if there was no wrong doing. I mean for me to apologize just for even the inclination of something is new for me. It was the most clean I have ever felt. I don't remember any wrong doing and I still got to humbly say I was sorry for if it was hurtful in anyway. Who the heck am I? I mean, it wasn't hard to do. I didn't have to work through it to get to a place of just saying I was sorry. Just weeks ago, I probably would have been pissed at even the notion I did something wrong knowing I didn't. And for some reason I got to just lay me aside and apologize?!?! It's amazing that Jesus can begin breaking walls down that you didn't even know were on the horizon. That is not puffing me up and saying "look how humble I can be." I take no credit for it. I am in a bit of shock about it. All credit to Jesus for letting me remove the filter and not be critical or even today think negatively about the situation at all. It's kind of miraculous.
5. I actually started asking if TSR was gonna be a possibility again. The prospect is hopeful. The person I most thought would probably not be interested, showed some interest. Turns out assuming the best and being hopeful are valuable and don't always lead to disappointment. Who knew. :)
Anyway, that's all just been in about 3 or 4 days. More to come for sure as things really start to get really solidified.
On a much lighter note, man I am looking forward to this week. It's a pretty chill week. I think I get to have some other fun lunches and talks with a couple different leaders this week. I get to hang out Thursday (or Saturday. Not sure what the final landing was) with some people that I am really growing to love having around and getting to be friends with. You know who you are and I know you all read this regularly. So shout out without names to you. Looking forward to it. I also am looking forward to just some fun things. Some hobby stuff. Some little creative projects. Some new ideas. I just feel good this week. What can I say?
I think I will take a nap this evening after work though. I'm tired for sure. Completely random comment coming. My Dad thinks I have Sleep Apnea I fell asleep on their couch yesterday afternoon and he said my breathing patterns were a good sign of it. Turns out it is a hereditary thing as well and my Mom has it. That would also explain why I never feel rested even when I sleep for a long time. Cause I never get into a real sleep cycle. Anyway, that's just a side note. Not really worried about it.
Let's get this week rolling. :)
I have been in this holding pattern for months now. Waiting. Wanting. Not knowing what was about to happen and wanting it to happen and come quickly and it just wasn't. Over the last several weeks I think I had settled into it. Like it was the new operating system. This week just changed something for some reason. Today, apart from being ridiculously sleepy, I am amped about something. Like this is gonna be a different month, a different season.
Jesus, am I finally asking the right questions? Or did I finally ask them in the right way? It feels like you want to answer some this week. Maybe lots.
I will be brief with my look back on this week.
So I emailed Justin asking him for his help and prayer in figuring out some things and moving forward on some stuff. Within 3 days the following has happened and Justin and I haven't even been able to talk yet.
1. I get a call for a job interview at LCA and had it this morning. Not sure if I will get a call back or get offered the job but it was definitely a wake up call from Jesus to an end of Him telling me He has me. Like I can really trust Him to provide the right job.
2. I have lunch with my Dad and we somehow get into talking about callings. I get to have one of the best conversations I have ever had with Him. He may not have said it distinctly but I think my Dad is actually really proud of me. And maybe even supportive of me starting a music based business like I have in the works. That's nuts.
3. Pete delivers this radically great talk about The Church and The Uprising. Not only did it set something different in my heart that led to a good interview this morning in weird ways, but I think I get to ask big for The Uprising conference. I don't know what that means quite yet. But I think Jesus has asked me to ask for as big a roll as the lead team is able to give me and that I get to say yes to whatever that might be and I get to do it well and not be a dual person like I was with my last entrustment. I get to run this one right from the start whatever it is.
4. I get to have a small but meaningful Matthew 18 with a good friend. I got to apologize even if there was no wrong doing. I mean for me to apologize just for even the inclination of something is new for me. It was the most clean I have ever felt. I don't remember any wrong doing and I still got to humbly say I was sorry for if it was hurtful in anyway. Who the heck am I? I mean, it wasn't hard to do. I didn't have to work through it to get to a place of just saying I was sorry. Just weeks ago, I probably would have been pissed at even the notion I did something wrong knowing I didn't. And for some reason I got to just lay me aside and apologize?!?! It's amazing that Jesus can begin breaking walls down that you didn't even know were on the horizon. That is not puffing me up and saying "look how humble I can be." I take no credit for it. I am in a bit of shock about it. All credit to Jesus for letting me remove the filter and not be critical or even today think negatively about the situation at all. It's kind of miraculous.
5. I actually started asking if TSR was gonna be a possibility again. The prospect is hopeful. The person I most thought would probably not be interested, showed some interest. Turns out assuming the best and being hopeful are valuable and don't always lead to disappointment. Who knew. :)
Anyway, that's all just been in about 3 or 4 days. More to come for sure as things really start to get really solidified.
On a much lighter note, man I am looking forward to this week. It's a pretty chill week. I think I get to have some other fun lunches and talks with a couple different leaders this week. I get to hang out Thursday (or Saturday. Not sure what the final landing was) with some people that I am really growing to love having around and getting to be friends with. You know who you are and I know you all read this regularly. So shout out without names to you. Looking forward to it. I also am looking forward to just some fun things. Some hobby stuff. Some little creative projects. Some new ideas. I just feel good this week. What can I say?
I think I will take a nap this evening after work though. I'm tired for sure. Completely random comment coming. My Dad thinks I have Sleep Apnea I fell asleep on their couch yesterday afternoon and he said my breathing patterns were a good sign of it. Turns out it is a hereditary thing as well and my Mom has it. That would also explain why I never feel rested even when I sleep for a long time. Cause I never get into a real sleep cycle. Anyway, that's just a side note. Not really worried about it.
Let's get this week rolling. :)
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