Another About Life

So, I have been a little... I guess off is the word, over the last few days. Not in a terrible way but just a bit not myself. Could be numerous reasons. I am waiting on answers for several things which has me a bit anxious I believe. Some I can share, some I will choose not to but those super closest to me will know the unshared ones.

#1. I am about to turn 28. Less than 3 weeks away. Not sure exactly how I feel about being another year older. This is definitely not how I saw my life. I love many of the places Jesus has me right now. I love the growth I am experiencing spiritually and all the stuff I get to do at church. I am a little unsettled with my job and some of that stuff, but that has been continuous for a while. 3 years ago, my outlook was so different. I was married, looking to start a family, looking to start my own photography studio, much more depressed, and kind of miserable with life. Now I'm divorced (which in some ways is a positive cause I get to be a kid for the first time), I am stuck in a dead end job, and photography has lost a lot of its luster for me. But lots is on the horizon. New job? Hopefully soon. Some financial freedom? Also hopeful. New relationship? I always brush this one under the rug due to my own self loathing ;). But that is hopefully close at hand as well. This is not where I thought I would be at 28. But its not too shabby. I could still be where I was at 25. That would suck.

#2. Let's expound on the job. It is not in a great place at the moment. I have been wanting to leave for a long time and just have felt stuck. Still feel there, but I am praying through and looking at what it looks like for me to be out of here soon. I may have been reading into the conversation, but it sounded like my boss was trying to prepare me for less happening with my position. It has been slow recently. Very slow. I haven't done much this week. I don't think they would ever let me go on their own choice, but I don't know what will happen. I am trying to decide what I want to do with my life. I don't want to step into another job just for the sake of having one and be miserable there too after a month. Do I go back to school and start teaching? I don't think so. The want to keep my lip ring and plugs is greater than the want to be a school teacher. Who knows what I will do.

#3. My actual birthday. (Disclaimer: This is not a plea for something to be done for me.) I have been asked a few times if I have any big plans. Here's my answer. I don't want to throw my own party this year. I have always thrown my own birthday parties. I'm over it. Right now I plan on doing nothing. I will go to Red Lobster like I do every year, but I have no plans to do anything. I am pretty tired of being the party planner for everything and stuff like that. So this year will most likely be pretty chill. I am gonna try and save up some of my money to get myself 1 of 3 things. (or at least put towards 1 of 3 things.) a. A new Mac Laptop cause mine is in bad bad shape. b. Give money to Garrett for the amp he is building me and to Alex for the guitar he is building me. c. Money towards my motorcycle which I really want. We will see what happens. I will hit up the friends I want to go to Red Lobster with me once I get to that point. I like keeping that a small intimate group. It has kind of sad significance to me this year but I still want to do it.

In all, its just kind of a waiting game in so many ways. I don't tend to do well with sitting on my heals. I am a be in motion type of person for the most part. I have gotten tons better with it and laying back and letting things happen instead of forcing them to happen. And right now, I only have one thing that I want to or know what I want to do to move forward on. (No you don't get to know in this venue. You can ask me later if you want and I reserve the right to not answer.) I am at a substantial standstill even in my own mind of what I want to do with my life and what Jesus has in store for me. You can be praying that either I am settled this week to wait on it more, or that I start hearing some answers. Maybe I am not listening close enough.