Realizations & Old Friends

So some things for today. I'll start with the realizations that then do the old friends. End on a chipper note as it were.

First realization. You ever think to yourself, "I am too attached to this thing. Could I make it without it?" You tell yourself of course and then go on about your business using that thing endlessly without fail. Then one day this thing is no longer there. You miss it. You mourn it. You think about a new one. But then you get used to not having it. Turns out you can actually function without it. At least for a time. But the day comes when you realize "I really am in serious need of this thing. It has been this long and I had the space that I could go without. But now I am in desperate need on lots of fronts."

Have you had that trail of conversations with yourself. Maybe not. Maybe I should stop talking to myself. Maybe I'm a little weird.

Anyway, I am at that crossroads on the back end. I really need a new laptop. So many things are on pause without it. Its starting to effect things that need attention. I have websites to design. Music to write. Images to work on. Business plans to complete. Design work to do. Its really starting to come to a head. So that is what I need to figure out this Christmas. Can I find the money to get myself a new laptop. A Mac Laptop. I may be able to do one of those small Dells that I can convert to a Mac. I don't know if I can run Photoshop on it though because of the screen resolution requirements. But I really need something so I can get caught up on all these projects at hand. Lots to do. I gladly will accept any help anyone is willing or able to offer.

The second realization is not so much. It's a consistent thought. My job makes me borderline psychotic. There are little jabs daily that are like needles in my spine everyday. It's really far beyond the lifespan that I should have been here. I think I probably need to start getting prayed off everyday after I leave work. It sets my heart up so badly everyday. I try to choose well and struggle through all the time. Try to shut off frustration and pride, comparison. Constantly asking Jesus for the strength. Like not just a day to day basis. Often times hour to hour. Time to start my business. Time to attack this thing head on. The laptop will help me finish my business plan and get things rolling.

On that same thought, I think I am gonna start shooting portraits again. Start going out with people and doing some pieces to build my photography portfolio. I have some thoughts lined up to do recording work and even video and graphic design stuff to start building those portfolios too. Pray for the drive. I can easily choose tiredness and laziness in free time when I need to choose to do the work to make this dream come true.

So old friends. I got to have lunch with my friend Stuart, his wife, and his family. I haven't seen Stu in almost 2 years I believe. He is in the air force and is right now stationed near Seattle. Today was his birthday so I got to go spend lunch at Chick Fil-a with them. Also my friend Chad who I haven't seen in quite some time and Brandon. It was awesome getting to spend a couple hours with them. Catching up on how everyone was doing. Joking around like it hasn't been years since we've seen each other but rather days. It was great.

It was also fun to see my heart change in the middle of it. Got to talk about the Uprising and what Jesus is doing at Quest and how I love getting to be a part of it. Got to experience seeing old friends and their wives and hearing about what they are getting to do without at all feeling comparison and jealousy. One friend just had his first kid on Monday. One owns a nice house with his wife. Stuart has a great lovely wife who wanted to get some of his old friends together to celebrate him and interacted with us like she was a part of our high school days all along. And on top of that Stuart flies all over the world literally in a giant airplane that he has space to play Frisbee in. How awesome is that. And I feel no bit of "what about me?" I feel nothing but joy at getting to see my friends. Thankfulness for the life Jesus is letting me lead. Anticipation and eagerness for the future. I mean flying over the polar ice caps on a trip back from 3 days in Germany is pretty sweet. Getting to do what I do is just as amazing. Love it.

And fact. I miss my friends. Stuart especially. Forgot how much that guy meant to me. How much his friendship mattered for all those years and still does. I need to do a better job of keeping in touch with real class acts like Stuart Fraser. Happy 29th my friend.