Its been a long time since I have written anything. I think I want and need to get back to it as often as possible. Its soothing to me and helps me clear my head. No that is not a resolution. I dont waste my time making those cause I never stick to them and then I feel wishy washy for not sticking to them.
Anyway, 2008 was an interesting year. Very busy as many of you know from my absence a lot of times. Lots happened over the year. Both good and bad obviously. I think though that I as look back over the year as a whole, I will look at it fondly. High and lows but I think the highs overshadowed. Even some of the really low points were met with quick turnarounds and real grace and faithfulness.
This coming weekend marks 1 year that I first played with the music team at church. I've loved being a part of that. I have had ups and downs with it. Places where I have chosen me and my own stupid crap instead of really being faithful and true to what Jesus wanted of me, and that has been met with grace and a continued faith in me. I got to step even further into it and join the lead vocal team for the church and have just really been blessed with it.
And even more on music, got to play a few shows with my band, The Swift Retreat. Not a ton of them, but that is okay. We are content and happy to get to practice in our basement and love getting to play when we can. Not trying to force music to work anymore. Just really getting to enjoy it. If we get blessed to take it to a new level, awesome. If we dont, awesome.
2008 also saw me still single. That had slight ups and big downs and weird happenings and constant confusion. The year ended and this new one started with more of the same their. Maybe I spend too much time running scenarios in my head on that one. In fact, I know I do. Its still a hard one to completely surrender but I am trying. I still have a dream of walking down the street with a beautiful wife on my arm and my precious little girl or boy sitting on my shoulders. Its a hard one to let go of. Music was leaps and bounds easier to let go of and I have seen already the rewards of doing so. This one has been more difficult though, given my past. Which is not as far past as one might think. Easier to surrender a dream of your own free will than to have one ripped from you. But I am trying.
Doesnt help that confusion continues to surround it. And watching some close friends and family go through tough times right now also adds to the pain of it. I love my friends and family and its hard to watch them live where they are at the moment. I have hope for them, I really do. And as little as I have been around, doesnt change my love for them or the amount of prayers I throw up for them.
But I am going to skip to the end of this year. I dont want to go month by month on 2008. Lets get to what I remember. The season of Thanksgiving - New Years. This time of year has always been hard for me and my family. Bad things have had a habit of occuring aroundt this time of year. I am not going to list stuff. But in my 27 years, the list has grown long of bad Christmases.
I know for a fact that it got to the point that when Christmas came around each year, I would begin this walling process. I would go into guard mode to try and brace myself for the coming onslaught. In all hopes that as long as I was protected, it couldnt be too bad.
I dont remember doing this so much last year. But this year was definite. I felt it hardcore this year. I know I got really quiet, and reserved and hid away a little bit. Especially with my family. I couldn't handle the big to dos this year at all. Christmas basically sucked. Thanksgiving did too. For different reasons with each of them but they did. New years wasnt bad. Could have been better, but it wasnt bad. Maybe last year I didnt notice the pull back cause I was excited with anticipating the New Years party we had last year. I didnt have a distraction this year. So I locked up. I am just now trying to pull out of that and get back to my normal self. All together, this was a hard Christmas to go through alone. And I mean alone on more levels than just being single. I just found myself physically by myself a lot of the day and the season. Maybe by my own subconscious choice. I dont know.
Well now its 2009. I have no real resolutions. I have things I want to do that I am gonna try to stick to. I want to start working out again and start getting in shape. I want to do a better job of devoting myself to reading the bible and taking time with Jesus. I am piss poor at that and I know it has been refueling when I have done it. I need it.
There are things I am hopeful for though. Number 1 being new job. I have a couple opportunities that might be in the works. And there is the possibility of getting to start my business this year that I am still trying to look into and build up the nerve and resolve to do what it takes.
I am also hopeful for more music opportunities. Already this weekend we have one. We get to record a song with a guy that is pretty connected. He has done some various work and actually works with a big name in the Hip Hop scene. Not gonna spend time dropping names, but this could be fun. He is wanting to get into some more positively influenced music and try some rock production. So this could be a fun Friday. And God, a long time ago, gave me the gift of being able to dream big and still keep my feet on the ground. So this has been a fun one.
I am also hopeful that this will be the year that I will see the end to my financial troubles. Even if I file for bankruptcy, that would help get things over with. I am hoping I wont have to do that, but I am open to it should it be what needs to happen. But I think this is the year I start to see a turn around. Didnt think I would ever say that.
Anyway, I think I am gonna call it quits on this entry. Hopefully I will start back into this more often. So I dont have to do a big brain dump all at one time. This was short compared to what I could have made it.
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